While you wait for Big Sister

The online safety world can be a bit daunting. We know. Big Sister is going to really help but it isn’t here yet. So this is a list of things you should be doing while you wait for Big Sister. Now sign up to that waitlist now to get access to an 80% early bird discount and notification when we are ready to launch.

If any of these issues affect you reach out to NSPCC or CEOP who are  the UK’s professionals.

Our previous blog had things to do with your child the more talky things. You still should do these. There are also foundational internet security things that you should do too. See our last blog. 

The following things will be done by Big Sister when it comes. But for now you should:

Look at their device with them

Looking at Devices

Having already built a collaborative open relationship about devices with your child, looking at their device together won’t be too much of a hassle. But what am I looking for?! You ask. These are not an exhaustive list (Big Sister has these built in) but have a look for:

Inappropriate Apps

Some apps are just never ok. Anything that you can use to access the dark web for example (look for words like tor onion). OnlyFans, porn apps not ok. Discord or Whatsapp do end to end encryption just know that people grooming your children would move them onto these more private messaging services to start to isolate them.

VPNs

These are virtual private networks. Kids will use these to access the internet or dark web privately so your filters on wifi routers or your schools wont work. If you have a VPN that your family use ok I guess. But if your child has one this is not ok.

Social Media Accounts

You should know all their social media accounts. Under 13s shouldn’t have one at all but in some cases parents turn a blind eye. But some children set up duplicate accounts where they do their more private things. Ask them. Get them to show you their accounts.

Photos

Have a quick scroll through their camera roll and memes. These might be in a special photos app or in their media section of Whatsapp. Nudity is not a good idea. There may be private folders.

Messages

What is the general tone of the messages in their friends groups. Big Sister understands the slang and tone but you can get an impression too. Remember cyber bullying can also be about excluding the child from groups.

Usage Reporting

In your settings (IOS or android) you will have some basic information about the day and where you spent your time on the phone. See the screen shot below where I had spent 1hr49 minutes already on the phone(!) What you’re looking for is how much of their time is on the device- is it excessive (remember some kids are doing school work learning on it too). Are there any apps you don’t recognise. You will have an idea of how long is “too long” on social media. Over 3 hours for example. Or just over ½ hr for your younger children.

Behavioral warning signs

Children with certain vulnerabilities may be at higher risk of exploitation, grooming, or radicalisation. While waiting for Big Sister, parents should be aware of potential risk factor and groomers look for the following in a child’s social media including:

• Usernames or comments that are flirtatious or have a sexual meaning

• Looked after children and children known to social care

  • is the child you are responsible for in care or known to social carers? Could a groomer find out about this online

• Children who are exploring their sexuality and identity online

  • It is fine to explore your identity and sexuality, but it does make your child more vulnerable. There are trainings from the NSPCC about talking to your child about what to share online

• Those with special educational needs and learning difficulties (SEND)

  • Does your child have SEND? Could a groomer find out about this online?

• Those children who aren't in mainstream education, for example due to school exclusion.

  • Is this your child? Could a groomer find out about this online?

• Children with low self esteem and confidence (those who might be lacking and seeking validation)

  • The online world can give you lots of support if you are suffering with low self esteem, but it does make your child more vulnerable. Are the groups they are a member of publicly visible? Are they posting on open forums?

• Children who have limited awareness about online risks

  • Some children will be completely naive- and actually that is  a good thing they are children after all! But could a groomer spot them as a particularly naive potential victim- for example are they on live streaming chat rooms sharing everything and their location? 

• Those whose online activity isn't appropriately supervised or monitored.

  • Be honest with yourself do you allow your children to just hop onto YouTube completely unmonitored? It gives you the headspace to make dinner but know that this unfettered access does make them more vulnerable to groomer.

Remember Big Sister will help parents ang guardians just like yourself keep children safe online.

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What might you see in your child if they are beginning to be groomed or radicalised?

Signs your child might be being groomed:

• Sudden changes in behaviour, such as spending more or less time online

• Spending more time away or going missing from home or school

• Being secretive about how they’re spending their time, including when using online devices

• Having unexplained gifts, big or small

• Misusing alcohol and/or drugs

• Having a friendship or relationship with a much older person

• Developing sexual health problems

• Using sexual language you wouldn’t expect them to know

• Seeming upset or withdrawn

• Mental health problems

Signs that your child might be being radicalised:

Low Risk Signs

• Holding strong opinions or values (non-violent or non-extremist)

• Criticising government policies

• Adopting visible signs, for example wearing clothing (non-violent or non-extremist), to express identity or sense of belonging

• Being active on social media

• Taking a keen interest in national and international affairs

• Demonstrating support and supporting causes, for example animal rights (non-violent)

• Showing new interest in a political ideology or religion

• Holding or expressing conservative values or practices, whether traditional, cultural or religious (unless they cause harm to a child or others, for example female genital mutilation)

These just sound like a typical teenager exploring their opinions and place in the world! But has there been a sudden onset of these signs or is your child unwilling or unable to see other points of view?

Medium Risk Signs

• Being drawn to conspiracy theories

• Beginning to isolate themselves from family and friends

• Viewing or engaging with inappropriate online content and having uncontrolled or unsupervised access to the internet

• Expressing concerns about being victimised, for example feeling under attack

• Discriminating against other individuals or groups of people

• A sudden change in behaviour

• Showing interest in extremists or extreme groups

• Expressing views that divide us, for example talking about ‘us’ and ‘them’

Again Big Sister will help you spot these signs and the more severe signs beyond this and give you timely alerts. View our full Danger List to see they type of alerts you will recieve. But if you feel your child is vulnerable, showing signs of radicalisation or of being groomed it is best to act early than late. NSPCC and CEOP have great advice for parents or carers in this situation.

Set up Social Media or gaming controls

There are age limits with social media and online games. But to be realistic, your child will be feeling strong FOMO (fear of missing out) and there are some benefits to using socials and games. Big Sister understands children will have access beyond what is recommended often.

Big Sister will be able to check the activity across games and socials on the child’s device. In the mean time you could lock down the privacy settings and in some cases have companion devices.

• Know what socials they have and check they are set to the most private The best guide for this is Social Media Parental Controls and Privacy Settings | Internet Matters

• Know what games they play and have them set up the most private Video gaming, consoles and platforms parental controls | Internet Matters

Whatsapp - NOT FOR UNDER 13s

WhatsApp doesn’t provide any official monitoring facilities for parents to use. However, if you are still wanting to allow your child to use WhatsApp to communicate, but want some visibility over the communications, there is a partial solution. With WhatsApp, you can link a ‘companion device’ to your account, which allows a second login to the same account on a different device. For parents, this means that you can login to your child’s WhatsApp account on another device, and monitor communications that way.

There are a few pitfalls however:

• Deleted messages and calls are not visible (including ‘disappearing messages’)

• Conversations can be individually locked with a password, preventing access

• Access to the account can be revoked at any time

You may want to consider setting up the child’s WhatsApp account on your device, using their phone number. That way you will have the primary device, and you can link the child’s phone as a secondary device. You can avoid your access being revoked.

Spotting cyber bullying

The NSPCC reports that cyber bullying is very prevalent. 1 in 5 children experience it (Cyberbullying Statistics for the UK [2024]) but what is interesting is that quite a few don’t recognise it as bullying. Big Sister can identify even subtle tones of bullying. But in the mean time please have some open conversations with your child:

Subtle tone:

When you share some messages with them- do you spot a subtle negativity of the tone? Or a blatant negativity wrapped up as “banter”

Exclusion from groups or friends

If your child is being excluded then you might see a marked decrease in their online activity on their socials. Or you might see an almost obsessive need to update the socials to keep up with “trends” to try and get back in.

Lack of likes/followers Negative emojis

Are the emojis and reactions on your child’s posts positive or negative? ARe they focussed on the numbers of likes or number of followers. A bullying culture in the school may have fostered this obsession.

These are just some of the ways parents can protect their children online, until Big Sister launches. Join our waitlist to be the first to know when the app is available, and sign up to get exclusive tips and advice straight from child safety experts.